


Here's a Little Taste of Irony

by unknowableroom_archivist



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Marauders' Era, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-03-12
Updated: 2011-04-14
Packaged: 2019-01-19 19:27:32
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 5,797
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12416526
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/unknowableroom_archivist/pseuds/unknowableroom_archivist
Summary: The ice queen and the golden boy don’t tend to cross paths very often.  When they do, though, sparks are bound to fly.  JPLE





	1. hogwarts express

**Author's Note:**

> Note from ChristyCorr, the archivist: this story was originally archived at [Unknowable Room](http://fanlore.org/wiki/Unknowable_Room), a Harry Potter archive active from 2005-2016. To preserve the archive, I began manually importing its works to the AO3 as an Open Doors-approved project after May 2017. I e-mailed all creators about the move and posted announcements, but may not have reached everyone. If you are (or know) this creator, please contact me using the e-mail address on [Unknowable Room collection profile](http://www.archiveofourown.org/collections/unknowableroom).

 

He groaned huskily as she wound her thin hand through his chestnut hair. Trailing her other hand down his chest, she stood up on her toes and whispered against his mouth, “Have you missed me?”

“Merlin, yes,” he growled, reaching his arms around her and pulling her lithe body up so that her face could meet his better. He tried relentlessly to catch her lips with his, but she teasingly eluded his touch.

“How much?” she taunted merrily, a manipulative glint in her green eyes.

One calloused hand grabbed her chin and yanked it toward him. “You little minx.”

Finally, she permitted their lips to touch, laughing softly against his mouth as he moved his lips over hers. “I missed you, too.”

His only response (well, besides a furious increase in the intensity of their snogging) was to roughly back her up against the window. The train went over a bump and the compartment shook, causing her to fall even closer to him. “Damn train,” he mumbled, re-orienting himself.

“Oh, poor baby, has the big bad train made you angry?” she teased, looking very wicked indeed. “Don’t worry, I think I can help.” She ran her hand soothingly down his cheek, grinning as his eyes fluttered closed. She loved her extensive control over him.

After a moment, he pushed her back against the wall again. “This summer has been far too long,” he told her, pinning one hand on either side of her and planting soft kisses along her jawbone.

Lily sighed peacefully. She certainly agreed: the past summer had dragged on mercilessly. Her mother had been forever after her to baby-sit for the neighbors, and Petunia had been even more nightmarish than usual. It had been utterly heavenly to escape to Marlene’s for the last few weeks.

“However did you manage without me?” she asked her boyfriend of five or so months, Phil Deverill, in her best little-girl voice. She knew it drove him absolutely mad.

Phil practically attacked her lips. They snogged for well over a minute, uninterrupted, until finally Lily realized that humans could only survive sans air for a limited period of time. “Good to see you, too, Phil,” she gasped once they had finally separated.

“Lily,” he growled, grabbing her face once again. Phil had a very one-track mind at times, despite being a Ravenclaw. He attempted to resume their kiss, but Lily pushed his face away gently.

“We should probably be getting back to our friends,” she laughed, feeling no pity for his libido.

Phil groaned, moving back in toward Lily. “They can wait. We haven’t seen each other for months.” He ducked his head again, this time pulling her face up to his roughly.

“Phil,” she protested in between his fervent kisses, “I think we should –” she stopped abruptly as she saw the door slide open behind him. “Stop it, Phil,” she hissed. Lily couldn’t see who had opened the compartment door, but she was embarrassed at being caught in such a position, regardless of who exactly had caught them. After all, Lily was the Sixth Year Gryffindor Prefect. She was hardly the type of girl who would snog boys in empty compartments on the Hogwarts Express, at least that was what the rest of the school believed.

Phil merely grunted in response, pressing Lily against the train window and moving his lips against hers all the more frantically. His right arm pinned Lily to the window while his left hand was on her face. Lily wriggled against him, trying to summon the strength to push him off of her, but to no avail. He _was_ the Ravenclaw Quidditch Captain, after all. Finally, Phil had to come up for air and when he did, Lily voiced, “Please, Phil, that’s enough!” She dug the heel of her hands into his shoulders and pushed with all of her might. He stumbled a little, but he was quite a lot bigger than her.

“Come on, Lily, I haven’t seen you all summer,” Phil panted, before pulling her face toward his again. 

In a pause, Lily gasped, “Stop! Not now!” He kissed her some more, then she again gasped, “Stop it, Phil, I mean it!”

Phil’s only response was to lean in again, but before they could resume their kiss, Phil was abruptly yanked backward. Lily blinked for a moment, disoriented and utterly bemused. What had just occurred?

She found her answer when she looked up and saw Phil pinned against the train compartment wall by none other than the Hogwarts golden boy himself, James Potter.

“What the _hell_ do you think you’re doing?” James muttered quietly to Phil. James’ typical easygoing smile was stretched across his lips, but the smile certainly didn’t reach his eyes. His pleasant tone of voice belied the anger that was obviously behind his words. James was gripping Phil’s shoulders and had him up against the wall in what looked to be a very uncomfortable position.

“Get the hell off me, Potter!” Phil yelled.

“No, actually, I don’t think I will,” James replied genially. “I’d like to know what exactly you thought you were –“

“I’ll tell you what I was doing!” bellowed Phil irately. “I was snogging my bloody girlfriend! Last time I checked, you don’t factor into our snogging sessions at all!”

Lily narrowed her eyes at the scene unfolding before her. Where to begin? Well, she supposed it made sense to begin with the unexpected and entirely unwelcome intruder currently in her and Phil’s private compartment. Namely, one James Potter. Lily knew that Potter and his mates were a bunch of nosy bastards, but honestly, was nothing sacred anymore? Lily was angry, not least because she was rather embarrassed at having been caught snogging in a compartment on the Hogwarts Express, and by Potter, no less.

James was saying to Phil, “No, not unless you’re forcing yourself on her when she clearly didn’t want it.”

Lily practically boiled with rage. Sure, she had gotten a bit hacked off with Phil when he had continued to snog her even after she had repeatedly asked him to stop, but it was none of Potter’s business! Lily shook her head. She had known that someone coming into the compartment and seeing Phil and her was bad news, but out of all the people it could have been, Potter was really the most undesirable.

“Who in sodding hell do you think you are?” Phil demanded angrily.

“He’s a joke of a nobody, Phil,” responded Lily in James’ stead. She shook her head at the intruder disparagingly. “So he’s obviously not worth our trouble.”

James kept his grip on Phil tight, but his head slowly turned and his eyes met Lily’s emerald ones. Lily stared back coolly. She and Potter usually made it a point to avoid each other’s company, but when they did encounter one another, they disagreed on nearly everything. As Lily stared at him, she tried unsuccessfully to read his expression. What she thought had been confusion now seemed to be anger and disbelief. “You…are you…come on, Evans, you can’t be serious?”

Lily let out a humorless and sharp laugh. “Serious about what?” She raised a single eyebrow dispassionately. “Come now, Potter, you’ve known me five years now. When am I ever not serious?”

James gazed back at her, his eyes narrowed. His hold on Phil’s robes finally loosened and he backed up slowly, clenching his hands into fists once, suddenly, and then stretching out his fingers. After a wordless pause, he replied, “Absolutely never, right you are, Evans. Merlin himself couldn’t even imagine how huge of a stick you’ve got up your –“

“Hey, watch it!” Phil told James menacingly, though the effect was somewhat lessened, considering Phil had just finished being done over by James. Once James had looked away from Lily, Phil questioned, “What are you even doing in here, anyway?”

Lily raised her eyebrows, awaiting James’ response impatiently. Like Phil, she was oh so curious as to why he had suddenly barged into their compartment, then proceeded to pry Phil off Lily and shove him around. _Honestly_ , Lily mused, _who_ does _that_? Maybe sixth year would be the year all the boys’ hormones got even more out-of-control, or maybe the water in Derbyshire (where, as everyone knew, the Potter family’s estate was located) had something batty in it, or maybe Potter just had finally gone off his rocker. Whatever the explanation, his behavior was absurdly inappropriate and rather random.

“I was looking for Peter; we can’t find him and we thought he might be with a girl, so I went to look and see if I could indeed get some material to tease him with for the rest of term and –“ James cut himself off. “Well, at any rate, I was just seeing if he was in here.” 

“And when you saw that he wasn’t?” Phil asked, throwing his arms up.

James didn’t respond, merely crossing his arms and gritting his teeth.

Lily glared at James pointedly. “You just decided, ‘Hey, why don’t I stick around and go all McGonagall on a random couple’?”

Phil chuckled, grinning appreciatively at Lily.

James suddenly broke his stony silence and burst, “No, actually, I heard your protests and saw Deverill bloody manhandling you. I thought maybe I’d be a gentleman, but hey, you know what they say about chivalry, huh?” He heaved a deep breath.

“It doesn’t look well on pathetic little boys like you, Potter?” supplied Lily innocently, a spark in her eyes. She really couldn’t believe his nerve. Phil probably thought that Potter was just being a prat like usual, but Lily, having been in the git’s House for the past five years, understood what Potter was leaving unsaid. She felt humiliated and livid, suspecting that Potter was implying something not very nice about her. What it was exactly, Lily couldn’t quite say, but she knew that he certainly didn’t approve.

Not that his approval mattered, of course! 

A muscle in James’ jaw twitched, and he clenched his fists once again. “Right, well, see you both at the Feast.” He turned on his heel and stormed out of the compartment. In an instant, he was gone.

Lily stared at the compartment door through which James had just exited. She felt as if frozen for a moment; her body couldn’t move but inside, her heart was pounding rapidly. She thought it might be anger, but she actually felt rather confused. What the hell had just happened?

Phil chuckled quietly. “Merlin, it seems that Potter’s still just as much of a tosspot as he ever was. I really don’t think I can take another year of him and his little clique strutting about the school as if they own the place. What are they called again, the Mischief-something, or the…?” He trailed off, looking over at Lily.

Lily was still staring at the door. She still didn’t quite know whether or not the last five minutes had even happened.

“Lily?” Phil prodded.

Startled, she glanced quickly over to him. “Oh, the Marauders,” she supplied absently. Then she silently scolded herself for acting like such a vacuous cow. “You don’t have to tell me about it. I’ve had to endure their antics in the common room and every class for ages.” She shook her head disapprovingly. “Really, the combination of boundless arrogance and downright moronic immaturity is _dangerous_.”

Phil smirked, looking at her pityingly. “Can I just say once again how glad I am to be in Ravenclaw? I feel so sorry for you, love.” He moved over to put his arm around her and pull her toward him. Suddenly, Phil pulled his arm off Lily abruptly, as though she had burned him.

She looked up at him inquiringly. “Don’t tell me I smell like dog poo again. I only bathed myself in it once today,” she joked.

Phil shook his head. “No, it’s just…what if Potter comes in again? I wouldn’t want him to have another eppy.” His eyes were wide, but Lily could see a grin fighting its way onto his mouth.

Lily rolled her eyes and shoved him hard. “Oh, ha, ha. You’re such a comedian.”

Chuckling, Phil mused, “Really, though, what the hell do you think possessed him to lose the plot like that? I mean, Lily,” he put his hands on her shoulders, forcing her to look at him, “you know that I wasn’t manhandling you, or whatever he said, right? I wouldn’t hurt you, you know that.”

Lily nodded. She gave him a half-hearted smile. “Of course I know that. And it’s just Potter, no one knows what possesses him to do half the things he does. He’s like a dumb animal or something.”

Phil nodded at her words, but he still looked distracted. “Yeah. It just…bugs me, you know? The way he thinks he runs the school, the way all the professors bloody worship him, the way he thinks he can do whatever he wants and get away with it. Someone needs to teach the tosspot a lesson.”

Rolling her eyes, Lily responded, “Believe me, I’ve been trying for years. Let’s just forget about him. He’s not half as important as he thinks he is.”

“Too right,” agreed Phil. He sidled up to Lily, wrapping an arm around her waist and bringing his other hand up to the back of her head. “Now let’s get back to where we were before we were so rudely interrupted.” He pulled her face up to meet his and began moving his lips against hers.

Lily was rather annoyed. She had scolded Phil minutes ago to stop snogging her, because she was worried that someone might catch them. And what had happened? Exactly that. Lily had a reputation to maintain, after all, and it certainly wasn’t that of the Hogwarts Slag. She was meant to be a role model for the younger students! Lily reached up and pushed Phil away. “Stop. I mean it, Phil. I don’t want anyone else seeing us.” She backed up a few steps, putting some much-needed distance between her and her boyfriend. “Besides, like I said, we should be getting back to our mates.”

Phil looked shocked, and then he glowered at Lily. “Hm. Okay. I suppose you must agree with Potter then. I guess his little visit really did pay off.”

Lily gasped, affronted and irritated. “What are you on about, Phil? This isn’t about Potter at all. Even before he came in, I told you I wanted to go.”

“Right, because you apparently care so much about what people like Potter and the like think of you.”

Lily merely glared right back at him, too angry to speak.

Phil continued, “I suppose you didn’t really miss me all that much this summer. I thought we were dating, but I must have been mistaken.”

“Shove off, Phil,” Lily snarled. “Don’t be such a wanker. We are dating, but I’m not going to abandon everything else because of it. I apologize if I can’t be your readily available snogging object whenever you want.”

At first, Phil appeared terribly incensed, but just as he was about to bellow back at Lily, he seemed to reconsider. He sighed and then replied, “Well, right then, I think we’ve both spoken a little out of turn. You know I’m not like that. I do think you’re being a bit unreasonable, but I reckon that’s what I signed up for, right? I mean you’re Lily Evans, everyone knows you’ve got a temper. Maybe once you cool down we’ll be able to sort this all out.”

Seething, Lily let out a derisive laugh. Phil was really annoying her today, for so many reasons that she couldn’t even begin to count them. She didn’t like the way he seemed to think she should treat him and she certainly didn’t appreciate his last remarks. “Do _not_ patronize me.” She began to walk toward the compartment door. Lily needed to spend a few hours, at least, away from Phil and his smothering. She had thought that the kilometers and months that had separated them over the hols would have been too much, but at that moment, she wished to be far, far away from her boyfriend. Maybe a little later she would feel inclined to speak to him, but not at present.

When Lily reached the door, she paused and glanced over her shoulder. “Oh, and as for my temper? You don’t know the least of it yet.” With a final look at Phil’s grimace, she flounced out of the compartment only slightly slower than James had minutes before.

\-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

**A/N** : Thanks loads for reading.  Be forewarned that some characters will vary from their typical fanon portrayals.  There will be no Saint Lily or Pathetic Peter in this fic.  Please review and let me know what you thought!  It means the world.


	2. Plus Ã§a change

**Chapter Two**

“Shh, it’s already started!”

Lily Evans looked up disapprovingly as Resident Gryffindor Slag, a.k.a. Edie Diggory, dashed into the Great Hall toward the Gryffindor table.  Edie was half-heartedly scolding her boyfriend of the moment, Benjy, as the couple slipped into their seats after what had obviously been a quick snog out on the grounds.  Edie giggled as she slid onto the bench not far from Lily and pulled Benjy down bench next to her.

Pursing her lips at Edie’s antics, Lily tried to ignore the tardy couple.  But really, it was the Welcoming Feast and only the first day back to Hogwarts.  One would think that Edie would be able to control her libido at least until the 2nd of September.

“Montague, Louisa!”  They were already to the middle of the Sorting and Lily couldn’t help but feel incredibly bored.  The magic of the annual Sorting had worn off somewhere around third year, and now, as a sixth year, Lily could think of about a million things she would rather be doing.  Catching up on her reading, for one thing.  Practicing Grade Six Transfiguration spells, for another.  Heaven forbid that Lily’s Transfiguration grade would fall as low as it had last year (another P was unacceptable).  

Lily spent the rest of the Sorting planning out the rest of her evening in her head.  She would have to direct the first years up to the Gryffindor dormitories, of course, but then she would need to re-organize all of her belongings.  The House Elves never unpacked to her satisfaction.  Lily would have to work in a chat with Remus Lupin, the other (and totally useless) sixth year Gryffindor prefect, at some point.  Oh, and she should probably post the set of Common Room rules she had worked so diligently on over the summer.  She was going to set a strict precedent from the first night out – no Dungbombs, only tame Exploding Snap games, certainly no revolting public displays of affection like there had been last year (thank Merlin Jeremy Lucas and Petra Pokeby had graduated), and so on.

Consumed by her planning, Lily didn’t realize that the Sorting was over and the food had appeared until her friend Marlene sharply elbowed her in the side.  “Ouch!  Bitch,” she reprimanded Marlene only half-teasingly.

“Oh, pot calling the kettle bitch, I should think,” remarked Marlene in her typical cool and unflappable manner.  The always-composed blonde was seated across from Lily, calmly sipping her pumpkin juice.

Lily narrowed her eyes, but then thought better of telling off her friend.  After all, what Marlene had said was true.  Lily and Marlene were notorious around Hogwarts for being the school ice princesses.  Oddly enough, their frosty demeanors hadn’t clashed and the two were best friends.  Lily and Marlene were an unlikely match, as many Hogwarts students observed.  Lily was a Muggle-born from the laughable little town of Spinner’s End in the North.  Marlene, on the other hand, came from a powerful pure-blood family with rooms in their home that rivaled the size of Lily’s entire house.  The two girls, however, shared a high opinion of themselves, a knack for biting insults to the unfortunate ones who angered the pair, and a witty, charismatic charm that each abused rather horribly.

“Babe, do you want more potatoes?” Benjy was spooning food onto Edie’s plate, quite nauseatingly, in Lily’s expert opinion.  Lily shook her head exasperatedly.  Benjy was just like all of the others – hopelessly devoted to Edie, who would date him and dump him within the week just like she had done to countless other wizards over the years.

Edie declined, smiling.  “I think I’m more interested in tasting you than potatoes, Ben,” she cooed, and the pair of them proceeded to snog openly right at the table.

Lily threw her knife down and shrugged when it landed perilously close to Edie and Benjy’s embrace.  “What?” she asked innocently as the other Gryffindor sixth and seventh years seated nearby all turned to gape at her in shock and fear.  She glared at Edie and Benjy.  “I hardly think that the dinner table is the appropriate place for that,” she hissed.  “Unless you want all of Gryffindor to lose our appetites?”

“I’ve already lost mine,” declared Marlene.  She had only a few vegetables on her plate, but she pushed it away disdainfully anyway.

Edie merely rolled her eyes and giggled.  She and her friends rarely got on with Lily and Marlene.

“Mate, check this out,” enthused Benjy’s friend and fellow seventh year, Aidan.  Aidan was currently levitating pieces of chicken into his mouth.

“Bloody brilliant!” responded Benjy, and immediately followed suit.

Lily and Marlene eyed each other with exasperation and sighed simultaneously.

“Edie,” started Lily, about to begin an absolutely world-class lecture on how Edie should keep her boyfriends and their mates far away at mealtimes.

Pointedly ignoring Lily’s scolding, Edie turned to chat with her mate Vera Langley.  Lily had strong reason to believe that Vera was the dimmest bint in all Britain.

“Good Merlin,” said Marlene as she scowled at Benjy and Aidan, “that is utterly appalling.  And to think that they’re in Seventh Year!”  Marlene looked disgusted.

“It really seems to be causing more trouble than eating regularly would,” agreed Mary Macdonald in a small voice.  Mary said everything in a small voice.  She was a very pretty Scottish girl, but Marlene and Lily tended to order her about awfully, just because Mary was such a mouse of a girl.

Marlene nodded.  “My little brother does that.”

“And sadly,” Lily added, “Ricky’s probably more mature than these pillocks.”

Edie and Vera had been emphatically ignoring the other three sixth year girls, but finally they turned around to face them.  “Oh, belt up, you lot,” remarked Edie.  “It’s only the bloody first day back.  We could at least try to be civil to each other this year.”

Marlene tossed her head.  “Oh, see, but that would mean that I’d actually have to acknowledge you.  And I’m afraid my self-respect couldn’t take that.”

“Ha!” squealed Vera.  She widened her eyes and looked at Edie smugly.  “But you just did acknowledge us!”  To Edie, she repeated, “Didn’t she just acknowledge us?”

Edie ignored Vera. “Please, McKinnon, we all know you’ve got more ‘self-respect,’ if that’s what they’re terming it nowaday, than everyone else in this school put together,” she retorted derogatorily.

Lily rolled her eyes.  “You know, Edie, perhaps that would sting a bit more if only it weren’t coming from you.  I mean, we all know where you were last June during the Leaving Feast.”  She paused, smirking.  “Giving Troy a little ‘Leaving’ present of your own, I expect.”

Scoffing, Edie didn’t respond.  Benjy, however, overheard Lily’s comment and whirled around to face the girls.  A potato that Aidan was levitating hit Benjy on the back of his head, but he disregarded it.  “What?”  He gazed confusedly at Edie.  “What’s this about Troy?”

Edie giggled uncomfortably.  “Oh, come on, Ben, pay her no mind.  It’s just Evans being mental.”

Benjy frowned and looked over at Lily.  “What did you mean, then?  When you said that about Edie and Troy?”

Mischievously, Lily curled up her lips.  “Let’s just say that his broomstick wasn’t the only thing he liked to ride.”

Gulping, Benjy questioned, “Is that true?”

Edie sent a fierce glare Lily’s way and reached out to grab hold of Benjy’s arm.  “Don’t listen to her.  She’s just being a cow.  Come on, Ben, let’s just eat our food and ignore this lot.”

“No, I want to know.  What did you have to do with Troy last year?”

Edie rolled her eyes, exasperated.  “Oh, bloody hell, I don’t know.  I mean, of course I was friends with Liam, we all were –“

“Liam!” echoed Benjy disbelievingly.  “What’s that?”

“Er…his name?” supplied Edie.

“Yeah, but no one calls him that.  Except apparently you.”  Benjy looked well put out.  “So what’s it, then, you were shagging him when we started seeing each other?”

Lily missed the next segment of this utterly fascinating (read: excruciatingly dull) exchange when she suddenly felt the bench shake vigorously.  She glanced over at Marlene.  “What on earth was that?”

Marlene wrinkled her nose.  “Well, I certainly hope it’s not one of those horrid first-day pranks by the Mar –“

“- auders at your service, Miss McKinnon!” interrupted Peter Pettigrew, grinning broadly in a way that made Lily very uneasy.  If Peter was grinning about something, she could guarantee that some rule or another had been broken.

Lily looked past Peter and saw that sure enough, the whole entourage had just slid into seats on the bench near where Lily and co. were eating.  All four Marauders were breathing heavily.  Peter looked smug, Remus looked guiltily relieved, James looked gleeful, and Sirius looked haughty (but then, when didn’t Sirius look haughty?).  Well, that explained why the bench had shaken, then – the combined weights of four sixteen-year-old boys plopping down abruptly would do it.

Vera smiled widely at the boys and leaned over.  “Where have you lot been, then?”  

Lily let out an annoyed stream of air through her lips.  Vera was always acting like the Marauders’ bloody puppy dog.  She and Edie were in the crowd of Gryffindor upper years, the ‘golden’ crowd, led by none other than the four boys.  Lily and Marlene tended to avoid all of the more mainstream Gryffindors like the dragon pox.

“Off having an orgy with Moaning Myrtle,” deadpanned Sirius.

Lily smirked as she watched Vera’s expression change from elation at the fact that Sirius had spoken to her to confusion.  “Er…” Vera hedged, unsure what to make of Sirius’ reply.

“Well, that too,” added Peter, “but we also just slipped some Dungbombs under the first years’ area of the table and we figured we’d best move back here to escape the stench –“

“Right now, that’s enough,” laughed Remus nervously.  He inclined his head toward the girls.

“Oh, damn,” Peter said, “I bloody forgot about her.“

“Dungbombs?!” Lily growled.  She should have expected it, of course.  The only Hogwarts students more immature than Benjy and Aidan were of course the bloody Marauders.  She glanced at Remus.  “You know, Lupin, that was one of my main objectives for this year.  You’re such an exemplary prefect, really you are,” she continued sarcastically.

“Oh, Evans?” ventured James, who had been rather quiet up until this point, which was unusual for the affable boy.  “Your primary goal for sixth year was to set off Dungbombs to welcome the first years to Hogwarts?”  He snickered.  “My sincere apologies that we beat you to it, then.”

Glowering, Lily hissed, “Get stuffed, wanker.”  She turned back to Remus.  “Anyway, Lupin, as I _was_ saying, one of my main objectives this year was to _eradicate_ ,” here she paused to glare pointedly at James, “the use of Dungbombs, which you’ve obviously stuffed up on the first day back.  I’ve compiled a list of rules that I think we should make certain to enforce this year, especially amongst all Gryffindors.  I’m sure you’ll be absolutely no help as per usual, but we should meet later to review –“

She was rudely interrupted by James, Peter, and Sirius repeatedly banging their foreheads into the hard wood of the table.  Lily pressed her lips together tightly and fumed.  The buffoons began this routine anytime she tried to motivate Remus to actually live up to his duties as her fellow Gryffindor prefect.

Deciding that Remus was a lost cause, as he was currently biting back a smile at his mates’ antics, Lily turned blatantly away from them and faced Marlene.  The blonde quirked the corner of her mouth up in what was as near as Marlene could get to a sympathetic smile.

“Isn’t it just _smashing_ to be back at Hogwarts?” Lily asked Marlene, her voice dripping with sarcasm.

Marlene sent her an acerbic smile.  “The smashing-est.”  Lily and Marlene had spent most of the last month lounging about at the McKinnons’ place and basically doing whatever they bloody wanted.  To have to be thrust back into the midst of the banes of their existence was more than a little jarring and migraine-inducing.

Lily and Marlene started to eat in mostly silence, exchanging the occasional comment about the summer or their plans for the year.  Well, Lily ate, and Marlene mostly picked at her food.  Marlene was a dreadfully picky eater who was forever on one diet or another.  Around the girls came the sounds of Mary, Vera, and Aidan chatting, Benjy and Edie bickering, and the Marauders guffawing loudly about one thing or another.  Lily discreetly rested the right side of her face on her hand in hopes that the applied pressure to her ear would block out the cacophony the Marauders were currently making.  Merlin, they were louder than Benjy and Edie!  It was, unfortunately, to no avail.

After a bit, Lily was jarred out of her pleasant, food-induced reverie when Peter noisily and obnoxiously bellowed, “Eh, Evans?”

She glanced up slowly.  She truly didn’t want to be drawn into another conversation with the four fools.  How the bloody hell had she and Marlene ended up eating dinner smack in the middle of Edie’s crowd and the Marauders?

When Peter realized that Lily obviously wasn’t about to reply verbally to him, he went on, unruffled.  “What’s this I hear about you and Deverill having a row?”

Lily coughed.  What the…?  Her eyes shifted instantly and almost imperceptibly over to James, who had suddenly sat up straight and was staring at Peter, looking interested.  Lily quickly looked away from James.  If sodding Potter had said anything to his mates about her personal, private business…  “What…how did you hear that, Pettigrew?” she demanded harshly.  Lily really was confused.  Although James had walked in on Phil and her, he hadn’t known about their argument, had he?

Sirius smirked.  “I think the better question is, why would anyone even give a rat’s arse about that sodding ponce?”  He glanced over to Lily and remarked sarcastically, “No offense, Evans, you know I really adore you and all, but that bloke of yours is an arsehole.”

Lily merely grimaced back at him.  She did not care for Sirius Black much at all.

“Well, I was… _having a conversation_ …with Greta Catchlove earlier,” Peter began, looking very smug about something, “and she said that her mate Julia overheard you yelling at Deverill on the train.”  He smirked at Lily.  “So you two had a bit of a tiff, hm?”

Lily glared at Peter – there was no need for him to look so happy at her misfortune.  “Yeah, no thanks to your pal Potter.”

Immediately, the other three Marauders whirled around to stare at James.  James looked shocked that Lily had mentioned his name, and his hazel eyes were wide with surprise.  He gaped at Lily in bewilderment.  “Me?  I…I’m…”

“You,” supplied Sirius facetiously.

“Yourself,” echoed Remus.

“You’re…?” finished Peter.

Lily rolled her eyes.  Oh, bloody hell.  “Enough already.  Anyway, Potter, you might as well own up to it, if you meddle in other people’s business you should at least have the grace to admit –“

“Now hold it a bloody minute!” interjected James.  His shock had quickly changed into anger.  _No surprise there_ , considered Lily, remembering his inexplicable aggressive behavior on the Express earlier.  “I wasn’t meddling in your business!  Everyone knows that I don’t like to get involved in nonsense like that.”  He ran a hand through the disgrace he called his hair in frustration.  “I’ve already explained to you what happened, and I think that you, if anyone, is the one who’s lacking grace.”

Lily gasped, terribly affronted.  “Do go on.”

“Oh, I don’t know, maybe you could’ve been a bit, what’s the word, grateful?” James responded, the volume of his voice slowly rising.

“Ha!  Grateful to you for what, exactly, for roughing up my boyfriend or for _insulting_ me –“

“Insulting you?” James echoed.  “How in Merlin’s name did I insult you?  Did someone perform a Memory Charm on you, Evans, because we can’t be remembering the same incident –“

“I certainly wish someone had Obliviated me,” Lily retorted, her voice increasing in volume and rage along with James’.  “Perhaps then I wouldn’t have to be reminded of your incredible rudeness every time I see you.”

James shook his head disbelievingly.  “Rudeness?  Oh, I see, that’s what they call it now when a bloke tries to do the right bloody thing by fucking stopping you from being –“

Instantly, Lily jumped up from her seat at the table.  “Enough!” she shrieked.  She realized that her outburst may have come out a bit louder than she’d intended, so she waited for the odd looks to die down before leaning in to James and hissing, “Mind your own bloody business, Potter.”  Lily stepped back and surveyed the gob smacked faces of Marlene and the Marauders.  Even Benjy and Edie had stopped rowing and were gaping at Lily.  She narrowed her eyes at all of them.  “That goes for all of you, too,” she instructed, raising her eyebrows.  They turned away from her, slowly, because regardless of how curious or confused they were, Lily knew she could be fairly scary sometimes.  People tended to listen to her.

Lily smoothed down her hair and robes, taking in a deep breath to compose herself.  “I’m going to go fetch the first years.  Marlene, I’ll see you up in the dormitory.  And Lupin,” she glanced severely at her prefect partner, “you may accompany me if you’d like.  It’s entirely up to you.” 

Despite Lily’s words, everyone at the table, especially Remus, knew that Lily was essentially commanding Remus to jump up from the table immediately and meekly trail after her to the other end of the table.  He did just that.

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**A/N:** I hope you like it!  I'd love to know what you think so far, please review!


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